Link's Party
by DookieMan
Summary: What happens when Link, Ganondorf,the seven sages, Malon, and Sheik all have a party? I'll tell you, UTTER CHAOS! Rated T for some language mostly. The romance in it isn't very serious. Please R&R!
1. Let's Get This Party Started!

**Okay, these lines

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mean that somebody is having a flash back, and it's not happening in the story. Two lines in between mean that it's a new scene. Anyway, enjoy the story!**

**

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**Link: Hey man! What took you so long?

Ganondorf: (Has a flashback of earlier at work)

* * *

Old dude: I'll have a Big Mac please. 

Ganondorf: Sorry man, this is Burger King. We don't have that around here. Do you want a Whopper instead?

Old dude: No, a Big Mac's fine.

Ganondorf: Like I said, we don't have that here. You have to get something else.

Old dude: I said I want a Big Mac! (Takes out a machine gun and blasts Ganondorf)

* * *

Ganondorf: I'd rather not explain it… 

Link: That's fine, dude. Now let's party! (Walks up to the stage and talks in the microphone) Alright, so want do you all want to do?

Ruto: Let's watch a movie!

Saria: Let's play some music!

Rauru: Let's do our nails!

Everybody: (Stares at Rauru in complete silence)

Rauru: Um… I can explain.

* * *

Mad scientist: Mwahaha! I will brainwash you! 

Rauru: (Shaking hysterically and making weird noises)

* * *

Link: Okay. Let's put in a CD. We got Jay-Z, Marilyn Manson, and um… this burnt CD labeled "Dance Mix". How 'bout the burnt one as this is a dance? (Pops in the CD.) 

Ganondorf: Oh yeah! (Licks his finger and puts it on his butt) Ttttsss! Hot!

Nabooru: slap

Ganondorf: Hey baby, remember when…

Nabooru: I'm not your baby! slap

Rauru: Do you want to dance?

Link: Go away, pervito.

Rauru: You're looking hot tonight…

Link: Your mom's looking hot tonight, now go away!

Ganondorf: (Playing pool with Darunia) Those were the good times...

Darunia: Hell they were. I remember when me and my friends went to this nerd's house at two in the morning and put forks all over his lawn! He was such a nerd!

Ganondorf: Well it was awesome for me, as I was the King of Evil and all of those hot girls wanted to be with me!

Ruto: So, Link. Do you want to get away from all this madness and go in that room?

Link: Hell no! I'm having a great time!

Ruto: (Grabs Link by the ear and drags him into the room)

Link: NO!

Malon: So, what are you two gonna do tonight?

Zelda: I'm probably gonna ask Link out!

Nabooru: Hey! I was gonna do that! (Slaps Zelda)

Zelda: (Slaps Nabooru back)

Nabooru: (Gets into a catfight with Zelda)

Malon: (Joins the catfight)

Ganondorf: Oh yeah! Let's go Nabooru!

Rauru: Link is my man! (Jumps in and joins the catfight)

Everybody: (Freezes in silence)

Rauru: Um… It's not what it looks like…

Malon: (Suddenly stops fighting) Wait a sec… Where is Link anyway?

All 3 Girls: (Opens the door and sees Link kissing Ruto)

Link: Oh great…

Retarded Narrator: DUHN DUHN DUUUUUHN!


	2. Love and Magic

Zelda: Why are you kissing Ruto?

Nabooru: Yeah!

Malon: Yeah!

Link: Hey! Back off! I'm not kissing her! She's kissing me!

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the kitchen…

Ganondorf: Ganondorf the Great will start his magic show in two seconds!

Saria: Hurry up!

Darunia: Patience, little one.

Ganondorf: I will now make someone disappear!

Audience (Saria, Darunia, and Sheik): (Claps quietly)

Ganondorf: Who here would be kind enough to volunteer?

Sheik: Oh me! I can disappear anyway, but I want to see if you really can! (Walks into a booth)

Ganondorf: (Covers the booth with a cloth) Abra, Kadabra, Alakazam! (Quickly removes the cloth from the booth)

Rauru: (Appears in the booth wearing nothing but a thong)

Darunia: Saria! Go somewhere else! I have to teach Ganondorf… a lesson…

Saria: (Runs to the bathroom)

Ganondorf: I didn't do it! I swear!

Darunia: Yeah right! Prove it!

Ganondorf: Come on! Now that you were talking to me you let Rauru get away! Now he's gonna molest children or some other perverted thing!

Sheik: (Suddenly appears outside the booth)

Sheik, Ganondorf, and Darunia: (Run outside to catch Rauru)

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile in the room…

Link: Okay, ladies. I hate Ruto. Ruto just likes me.

Zelda: Well then who do you like?

Link: Um… you guys are gonna totally kill me after this…

Zelda: Just say it! I won't hurt you. I promise.

Link: Really? Okay! I like Nabooru!

Zelda: (Elbows Link in the face)

Everyone (Malon, Zelda, and Ruto): (Stares coldly at Nabooru)

Nabooru: I gotta piss… (Sprints to the bathroom and locks the door)

Saria: Um… I'm in here.

Nabooru: Sorry, honey. I promise not to look.

Saria: Why are you in here anyway?

Nabooru: I'm running away from those monsters!

Saria: Why are they fighting you?

Nabooru: We all like Link, but Link only likes me.

Impa: Hey! (Shoots up with a machine gun) Stop this madness now!

Ruto: Geez Impa, I'm telling Rauru on you for being that violent!

Impa: Yeah, so what? What's he gonna do spank me?

Ruto: Exactly.

Impa: What?

Retarded Narrator: It was dark, and Sheik, Darunia, and Ganondorf were hunting Rauru.

Darunia: Shouldn't we have done this earlier?

Rauru: (Goes up to Darunia and squeezes his ass) What's up, sexy thang?

Darunia: Aaaah! Make it stop!

Sheik: Dude, what's the matter?

Darunia: Sorry, I'm just having a bad flashback of something Rauru did to me before.

Ganondorf: I see him!

Rauru: (Moons Ganondorf)

Ganondorf: (Shoots his butt crack)

Rauru: Waaaaah! (Runs around like crazy)

Sheik: Sweet! Nice job, Ganondorf!

Ganondorf: Oh no! He's getting away! Quick! Call the police!

Sheik: (Calls 911) Hey. There's a crazy old man wearing a thong on the loose.

Cop: (Hangs up phone) Crazy kids!

Sheik: (Calls back) Hey dude! I'm serious! Go get him before rapes those innocent little kids!

Cop: Alright, fine!


	3. The Getaway

Link: (Wakes up after he got hit with Zelda's elbow) Where am I? Where are all the girls? (Hears pots falling and slapping everywhere)

Nabooru: (Runs out of the bathroom) Link! Come on! (Grabs Link and runs outside to the car)

Link: (Drives away) Oh crap, the car broke down!

Nabooru: Quick! Let's run away to our hotel!

Rauru: (Jumps out of the bushes and jumps on Link's back)

Link: Nabby! Help!

Nabooru: I can't he's too heavy!

Rauru: I gotcha now, Link!

Ganondorf: (Shoots Rauru with his gun) We got him!

Darunia and Sheik: Yeah! (Dances with each other)

Darunia: Oh my! You're a good dancer!

Sheik: I did ballet in the third grade. (Keeps dancing)

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile back at the party…

Saria: What the hell was happening earlier?

Impa: I don't know, but we'll need to find a new Sage of Time.

Saria: What did Rauru do?

Impa: I'll tell you when you're older.

Saria: Hey! I never will be older!

Impa: That's the point. Hahaha!

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile outside…

Darunia: (Walking back to the house) That was awesome! Just like old times…

Sheik: Yeah! Talk about gay!

Ganondorf: Let's hurry back! I brought some steaks and some beer! Nobody will ever know!

Darunia: Alright! This is the best night of my life…

Retarded Narrator: Meanwhile at the hotel…

Link: Thanks for saving me.

Nabooru: No prob. I have a question to ask you.

Link: Yes? What is it?

Nabooru: Why do you like me instead of everyone else?

Link: Because you're hot and sexy, everyone else isn't that pretty.

Retarded Narrator: Thirty minutes later…

Link: (Kissing Nabooru) Mm! Mm! Stop for a second!

Nabooru: No! I like this too much!

Link: (Pulls his mouth away from Nabooru's) Nabooru, will you marry me?

Nabooru: I would, but you're only seventeen! You have to be eighteen!

Link: Okay, fine! We'll wait a year! Now let's go back to the party! (Gets in the car with Nabooru and drives back to the party)

Retarded Narrator: I'm sick of this!

Narrator: I'll take your place.

Retarded Narrator: No way!

Narrator: What? I don't get it…

Retarded Narrator: But you can call me RN instead now!

Narrator: Um… okay.

RN: Meanwhile at the party…

Impa: Please, can you do me a favor!

Ganondorf: Fine… what is it?

Impa: Saria is getting really bored. Can you entertain her before you and your buddies drink your asses off?

Ganondorf: Fine… (Walks up to the front of the room) Ladies and gentlemen! Ganondorf will now cut someone in half, then put them back together!

Audience (Darunia, Impa, and Saria): (Claps)

Ganondorf: (Brings out a box that can fit a person) I will now ask for my lovely assistant!

Sheik: (Comes out to the room and enters the box)

Ganondorf: (Takes out a saw and puts it through the box)

Sheik: Aaaah!

Ganondorf and Darunia: (Dreives Sheik to the Emergency Room)

Doctor: Alright, what happened here?

Ganondorf: Well I was performing a magic trick and I accidently… cut through him…

Doctor: Okay.

Three other doctors: (Roll Sheik's bed into a room)

Doctor: Are you pregnant?

Darunia: No, why are you asking that?

Doctor: It looks like it.

Darunia: Well I'm not! I'm a boy!

Doctor: Lose some weight then. (Walks away)


	4. The Crash and the Therapist

Link: (Driving in car)

Nabooru: (Sees little boy) Linky, why don't we stop and help that little boy?

Link: How 'bout not?

Nabooru: Do it or I won't marry you!

Link: Jesus! Okay, I'll stop! (Parks on the side of the road)

Little Boy: Who the hell are you?

Link: I'm your mom. Who do you think? Just get in the damn car!

Nabooru: Why were you out there alone?

Little Boy: Rauru was starting to follow me! What a pervert!

Nabooru: Its okay, honey, we'll get you home.

Little Kid: Thanks. I got an online Halo tournament I have to play really soon…

Link: What's Halo?

Little Kid: You don't know what Halo is? It's the best game eva', n00b!1!one1!

Link: I doubt it's the best ever… I mean, Ocarina of Time is one of my favorites!

Little Kid: Ocarina of Time!1!1 that game is 4 babie, n00bish, Ninty fanboys. Halo is the h4x0rz!

Link: What are you talking about? Ocarina of Time is a great game!

Little Kid: Well, the main character is a gay guy that wears a skirt, wears tights, plays a gay little flute thing, and has a horse named "Epona". I mean, what a homo!

Link: (Elbows the kid in the face)

Little Kid: (Falls out of the car)

RN: Meanwhile back at the party…

Ganondorf: (Standing on the diving board) Do you guys want to see my cannon ball?

Darunia: Let's not do anything gay tonight…

Ganondorf: What are you talking about? You've seen my cannon ball hundreds of times!

Sheik: (Barfs in the pool)

Darunia: Well for being a homo, you have to eat the barf.

Ganondorf: OH FINE! (Eats barf)

Sheik: Ganondorf, you're such a perve!

Ganondorf: (sighs)

Darunia: Let's drink some beer! (Grabs beers and hands them to Ganondorf and Sheik)

RN: They all drink for hours and hours, drinking about 20 beers each.

Darunia: (Jumps in car with Sheik and Ganondorf. Drives around)

Other cars: Beep! Beep!

Darunia: Why the hell are they beeping?

Sheik: Maybe it's because you're driving all over the place with no control!

Ganondorf: Oh shit!

Darunia: (Runs into Link's car)

RN: OH NOES!111! Everybody in the car crash is at the hospital!

Darunia: (Wakes up) Where am I?

Impa: You are at the hospital, sir. Please stay in the bed.

Link: (Wakes up) What? Where am I?

Darunia: The hospital.

Link: (Looks around) Why the hell are we here?

Impa: You all got in a car crash.

Link: But we weren't all in the same car.

Impa: (Stares at Darunia) Well this idiot of a Goron was drunk driving and ran into you.

Link: Where are Zelda, Ruto, Malon, and Saria?

Impa: They are all at the Hyrule Fair. They were hoping to see you all there. Rauru might come too.

Link: What the hell! Rauru is a pervert! There will be too many kids there!

Impa: Do not worry, sir. He is in therapy.

RN: Meanwhile in therapy…

Therapist: So, Rauru, how did you get like this?

Rauru: A mad scientist brainwashed me.

Therapist: (Grabs Rauru) Tell me the truth!

Rauru: I am! I am!

Therapist: OH FINE! Get me the brainwashing machine!

Scientist: (Comes in room with huge chair)

Rauru: (Sits in chair)

Therapist: Turn it on!

Rauru: (Vibrates and mumbles weird noises)

Therapist: Alright! You're better now.

Rauru: Thank you!

Therapist: That will be 50,000 rupees.

Rauru: (Faints)

RN: Finally! The end!

**Yes, the story is over. I hope you all liked it! If you liked it, I will soon be making a sequel called "The Hyrule Fair" where Link and the gang go to the fair! It will be better, badder, and of course EXTREMELY CHAOTIC!**


End file.
